Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for approximately three months. He wants to get married and I don’t know if I am quite ready. I have been married twice and don’t want to make another mistake. I am in my 50’s and my children are grown. He has been married twice as well. Should we wait longer?
A: When it comes to such an important decision, and marriage is an important step, you are not quite ready, therefore, it is important that you have this discussion with your boyfriend and have an honest conversation about what you want. You both have been married twice, so you are either widowed, divorced, or both. Getting to know someone takes time. A few months get you started, however, to really know someone, the first few months are also times when both parties are on their best behavior and perhaps you have not let your guard down enough to really know one another. It usually takes at least a year or longer to really get to know someone much less know if you want to live with them for the rest of your life.
Not being quite ready tells me that you don’t feel you know him all that well and while you are together, what would be the rush? Have you both discussed your goals, philosophies, passions, challenges, or issues that may have already arisen? It would behoove you to seek some couples counseling to discuss this with an objective third person. This way, you can continue to open the door to a real authentic commitment later on if you both decide this is what you really want. And go with your intuition so you are not led astray.