Q: I am a Junior in college and I have struggled with confusing lust and love. I have been hurt by partners because I thought it was love and it was only lust on their part. Are there signs to look for?
A: There are signs of both love and lust. The first thing to be aware of when seeing someone new is to take time to really get to know them. It’s both exciting and scaring at the same time to give your heart to someone. One’s true colors eventually come out, and you will be able to distinguish the difference.
In the meantime, remember that you deserve to be treated with honor and respect from any partner. Anything less is unacceptable. You want to pay attention from the get-go rather than seeing only what you want to see.
The signs of lust range from the main focus being on the physical looks to primary interest being on sex. People in love want to take time to get to know one another. People in lust may think they are friends but they are not.
When you want to spend quality time together and you have great conversation, learning about one another, you are learning about love. Your intuition is comfortable and you feel the hunch to more forward. You have a desire to listen to each other and you are both motivated to be your best selves.
You want to be involved in each other’s lives. It’s a mutual knowing that involves trust and honesty on both parts.