Q: My boyfriend keeps a lot of things from me and I feel he is very secretive. Is this unhealthy?
A: Most of us have a secret or two that we wish to keep to ourselves and that is perfectly okay. We have things from our past that we prefer not to share with others. Usually, the secrets we keep to ourselves are situations that may make us look less favorable to others. It may be something like abusive, alcoholic, drug-addicted, or incarcerated relatives and/or friends. It can be a plethora of things we don’t want to share.
The issue with being secretive about most things is that it can lead to emotional dysfunction. It simply isn’t healthy to keep so many secrets to oneself. Secrets are things that we tend to be ashamed of or something we are hiding from others to keep looking good on the surface. Sooner or later, secrets can and will be found out. It’s one thing to keep something a surprise, which is usually a good thing such as an engagement, party, vacation, etc.
You may want to confront your boyfriend and let him know that you are aware that he is keeping secrets and it’s not healthy for him or your relationship. You may want to ask yourself if you are keeping secrets in your closet as well. Maybe your boyfriend can journal his secrets privately, as this can be a cleansing exercise and he could use a