How to Recognize Codependent Behavior and What to Do About It

Q: What are some codependent behaviors?

A: Codependent behaviors include trying to control others, perfectionism, approval-seeking behaviors, the inability to express anger (i.e., being passive-aggressive) and other feelings out of fear of being disapproved of, and overreacting.

If you or someone you know has these behaviors, often the person is unaware because they are so ingrained they become second nature. When a behavior is brought to our attention, perhaps we see ourselves as others see us. In order to change the codependent behavior, the first step is awareness.

In a relationship, someone who is codependent may think of say, “I’ll do anything, just don’t leave me.” It’s helpful to think of a more desirable behavior to shift to, for example, if someone is prone to eating unhealthy foods, he/she first becomes aware of this or it’s brought to one’s attention. A more desirable behavior can be put in place, such as eating healthy fruits and vegetables. Bring about awareness of this desirable shift, evaluate the outcome of how you feel, and renew this healthy behavior with a commitment.

It can also be helpful to write the steps down to remember what you want to change and how to go about making and embracing the change. First, ask yourself what behaviors you want to change or modify, and ask what your options are. Write them down and follow through. You will be on your way to positive behavioral change.