Q: My mother has dementia and my father can no longer take care of her himself. What do you recommend as the next step to help them?
A: When the care of a loved one with dementia gets to this level, your father needs all the support he can have. Not only is he losing his loved one, but some physical changes are in order for the next steps as most likely they cannot remain in the home unless they hire home health services. There are options of home health care and placing your parents in a home for memory care. You might want to start exploring facilities and get information on the level of care, cost, and if your parents can still live together in the same dwelling.
While it is not an easy time for the family, your priority is that they get the best care and your mother gets the best treatment for her dementia as possible. Check for the conditions of the facility. Is it new, clean, does there appear to be adequate staff? As our parents age and live longer, there are more and more facilities accommodating seniors and you should have a good feeling about where your parents are placed. If you are uncertain, you may want to contact your family attorney, family physician, and check ratings of these facilities before you decide on the facility that would best suit them. If you happen to know any family members whose loved ones are in a facility, check with them to find out their overall feelings about the facility and care. Are there in-house physicians and nurse practitioners who make rounds or are they expected to be transported to outside physicians? What all is included in the cost? What is extra?
Regarding home health, if your parents remain in their home, health care workers would have to cook, clean, and depending on your mother’s overall health, assist with her immediate care.
The bottom line, you need to feel that your parents will receive the kind, compassionate care they deserve while receiving great medical care and peace of mind with your decision on placement. Many of these facilities have a waitlist, so it is a good idea to start interviewing for good placement sooner than later. Take a notebook and have a list of questions to ask and make sure that you are comfortable before you place them. You can be their best advocate at this challenging time. You will be glad you did.