Q: My boyfriend is a hoarder and there is clutter everywhere in the home we share together. Why is he like this?
A: People who hoard items and live in clutter is generally do to their lives being cluttered. Do you know how your boyfriend grew up? This may have been a common theme in his home. Does he have insecurities where he feels he has to fill a void by hoarding? He may get some temporary security by having “things” surrounding him, yet he is reaching out on the outside to feel the void within. This is a form of OCD, a mental health issue that can worsen over time. It is already preventing you from enjoying the space you live in or you wouldn’t be writing about it. It is a legitimate concern.
Since you both share a home together, perhaps he could have a room or additional space to keep his possessions without them getting in the way of your space. It would be good to have a conversation with him on the importance of compromise. It isn’t fair to you to have to tolerate his clutter. Yet the deeper issue is there is a reason for his hoarding and it’s important he get to the root of the problem so he can make some healthy changes in this behavior. He may not even be conscious of his condition and how problematic it has become in more ways than one.
Meanwhile, below are a few tips that you could use to help the situation as it is now:
1. Suggest a big year sale and/or clear out through donating items no longer used.
2. The rule of thumb is when in doubt, clear it out! If something has not been used in 6 months, get rid of it.
3. Tell your boyfriend that when he purchases another item, he needs to get rid of two. This will gradually start to diminish those items no longer needed.
4. Try CBT. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Is a therapeutic intervention to help the individual to understand the contents of his own thoughts better so he can find healthy ways to control them. His OCD can get under control with using CBT.
If he continues this behavior after you have discussed some resolutions or tried the above, you may want to discuss the serious impact this could have on your relationship and he may want to seek out a professional to get help with resolving this problem.