Q: I have been with my boyfriend for three years now and while things were great in the first year, the last two years have brought more pain than pleasure. It is full of secrets, lies, deceit and disappointment. I need to tell him I’m finished but I feel so weak. We also live together and I pay the rent. Can you help?
A: I am sorry the relationship has turned to heartache and disappointment. It is never easy to end a relationship that you thought started out so good. However, from what you shared, you now know it is not in your higher good to continue a life of dishonesty and deceit. If you haven’t already, it’s important that you let him know as soon as possible that you will not tolerate his behavior any longer and you are done. Since you live together, you will have to tell him to leave and you may want to have his belongings gathered so he can get them and get out. If you don’t feel safe, have someone you trust there with you or perhaps the management. You don’t have to do this alone.
If he tries to persuade you to rethink your decision and he says he will change, you’ve given him two years and have not seen changes for the better, so that is plenty of time. I get the sense he is using you since he does not even contribute to the rent expenses. As difficult as it is and knowing you are in pain, stay as strong as you can to get through it then you can go through the grief process as you will need to. You want a relationship that is healthy and strong in communication. Remember it takes two to dance the dance. He lacks accountability and responsibility. You want someone who is the opposite and adores and loves you for who you are. This also includes taking responsibility for his actions. This person is not at all in alignment with what he says and how he behaves. That is unlikely to change unless he has an awakening and gets professional help.
Meanwhile, you will heal from this and attract someone whom you deserve. Take time to practice caring for yourself and healing. When you are ready, the next person who shows up will be someone you feel good about being around. He will be in alignment with what he says and his actions. Gather as much support as you can and you will look back on this and be full of gratitude that you made a wise decision to end it.