Q: I have been in a relationship for about a year with someone I really care about. One concern I have is that I think he comes off as superior around others and I don’t now how to tell him this; i.e., very quiet around others at a gathering and could feel above them. Any suggestions?
A: It may be that your significant other is not even aware of this behavior you have observed. The first thing you may want to do is let him know what you observe and ask him if he is aware? It could be he is preoccupied with other things and his energy is directed elsewhere. Or, he could be bored with others’ conversations and does feel above them. Nevertheless, it’s something you notice and it’s important you bring it to his attention in a kind way. Perhaps you could suggest to his ways he can bring his perspective into the conversation as opposed to just sitting back without participation. If it is superiority, it makes your self-esteem dependent on others being less than you. It’s a subconscious belief that that being superior lifts you up in others’ eyes or makes you important, however, what it does is make you rather boring.
Either way of your mate’s awareness, having this conversation can open him up to looking inside himself and hopefully seeing it for what it truly is. Hopefully, this will inspire him to feel more inspired, that way he will learn to better connect which will draw others closer to him where he can be more engaging. Because when superiority or arrogance shows up, it separates and creates resistance in others. Is he disconnected from himself? Arrogance can create this. Rather than feeling centered within himself, he’s depleting his own energy on maintaining a pretense of being someone who he really is not. Perhaps a conversation with him about these things can produce a constructive outcome one way or another.