Q: I have an adolescent daughter who is constantly stressed. She is a perfectionist and stresses about everything. What can I do to help her?
A: We are seeing an increase in stress related issues among adolescents. A certain amount of stress is normal. It’s a common emotional, psychological, and physical reaction to the ups and downs of daily life. Teenagers often feel stress due to the myriad of changes. These are both internal and external that come with growing up. And today’s fast-paced, 24/7 world of technology doesn’t help.
For positive starters, small doses of stress can help us get things done. However, if stress continues to mount with no let up, it can lead to mental, physical, and emotional health conditions that require professional treatment. It is important for your daughter to learn how to manage her stress.
The numbers prove that there is truly a stress epidemic in 21st-century America. The following statistics come from surveys held by the American Psychological Association. Teens report that their stress level during the school year exceeds what they believe to be healthy. 5.8 on a 10-point scale. More than a quarter of teens experience extreme stress during the school year. Between August 2016 and January 2017, adults’ average stress level rose from 4.8 to 5.1 on the 10-point scale.
Twenty percent of Americans rate their stress level as 8 or more on a 10-point scale. Younger Americans (Millennials and Gen-Xers) report higher average stress levels. Teen stress results in feeling overwhelmed (31 percent of teenagers surveyed). They also report feeling depressed or sad (30 percent); getting headaches (32 percent); feeling tired (36 percent); snapping at classmates (26 percent); and skipping meals (23 percent). Teens are more likely than adults to believe that their stress level has a slight or no impact on their physical health (54 percent of teens vs. 39 percent of adults) or their mental health (52 percent of teens vs. 43 percent of adults). Nearly half of teens (42 percent) report they are not doing enough or are not sure if they are doing enough to manage their stress. (Source: Newport Academy, 2019)It will be most helpful for your daughter to learn some coping techniques to reduce her stress.
Below are some to get started.
1. Breathe. Take relaxing deep breaths in and exhale with a mantra or phrase such as, “I am calm and peaceful.” Her breath will center her in the present moment.
2. Relax. Take a yoga class or learn some beginning meditation to get into a mindset of setting her intention to be calm and relaxed.
3. Get good sleep. Adolescents need more rest, so it would be helpful if she can get at least eight to nine hours a night.
4. Eat good nutrition. Adolescents are prone to eating foods that are not as nutritious as they could eat. If she can get into a routine of eating whole fresh foods as much as possible it will improve her overall health.
5. Exercise. Whatever movement your daughter chooses, it will help with releasing endorphins. These are the brain’s feel good chemicals. When she exercises her way, it won’t seem like a chore.
6. Create a support network. Hopefully your daughter has peers whom she feels comfortable to be around. This can provide a sense of safety including self-confidence, and someone her age whom can relate to her.
7. Take control. Anxiety develops when one feels out of control. If she can feel a sense of being in control then she has a significant chance to reduce her stress.
8. Let some things go. With her perfectionism, she can learn to cut corners. I use the analogy you don’t have to bake the cake from scratch.
9. Reframe your thoughts. When you have a negative thought, say STOP. Then switch the negative thought by replacing it with a positive thought.
If these coping techniques are not effective for her, please seek some professional counseling to help her reduce her stress before it manifests into a physical ailment.